Mary Sue and The Marauders
by same.blue.sky
Summary: When authors come to hate thir own creations: A Mary Sue Parody Fic! Sensitive!Sirius, Nonexistent!Peter, Lovestruck!Remus and more...


Disclaimer: Just having some fun, with JKR's stuff.

**Mary Sue, in all her Horror**

A/N- Okay, this is basically just a completely random plot bunny that popped into my head at school today. I hope you like it, because a sequel may be in the works, of the Harry era Mary Sue.

Regular font—just a really crap Marauder-Era story involving Mary Sues and über clichés

**Boldface font—**what I'm thinking as I "write" the story.

Okay, now, here it comes….

Sirius, Remus, and James

**Where's Peter? Yes, we all hate him, but that doesn't mean he wasn't there at all…**

were sitting in the common room, planning their next prank. They had promised themselves that this year, their final year at Hogwarts; they would take their pranking to the next level.

**Let me guess…they're going to dye Snape's hair rainbow instead of the customary pink?**

Just then, the door to the common room swung open. Through it stepped Lily Evans, and behind her stood her two best friends in the whole world. They did everything together.

**Oh, god…here it comes. **

Sirius' eyes fell on the gorgeous girl to Lily's left, Aquamaríne Henley.

**WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? AQUAMARINE ISN'T EVEN A NAME, NOW I DECIDE TO PUT AN ACCENT ON THE I!**

She had perfect golden blonde hair that fell gently to her waist,

**Of course she did…**

and eyes that sparkled the same turquoise blue as the ocean in Bermuda.

**Do you know how much nobody wants to hear this!**

He felt his breath catch in his throat, as it always did when he saw her, with her beautiful eyes,

**You already said that…**

flawless tanned skin,

**I can't believe I'm still writing.**

and curves in all the right places.

**Someone chop off my hands, please!**

She was amazing, and what's more, he thought—no, he knew, that she was perfect for him.

**Uggh…**

Aquamaríne was a hopeless flirt, just like him. She had the same habit of going through several members of the opposite sex every week, no…day.

**Well, isn't she special?**

They all fell at her feet, and tried to get a peek up her miniskirt while they did this.

**Oh, now we're trying some humor, huh? That's really witty…**

Meanwhile, Remus stared fixedly at the girl on Lily's right, Destiny Stevenson. She had dark, curly hair that fell in perfectly **(if I see any more adjectives I may faint)** shaped ringlets down her back, and gorgeously pale and milky skin her dark hair had some paler brown streaks in it. She had amazing, piercing green eyes

**NO! Green eyes are LILY'S THING! No OC should ever have them…**

and her nose was attractively dotted with freckles.

**Note To Self: People don't want to hear about how freaking perfect my OC's are. Fecking stop it!**

Of course, Remus had been dating Destiny for a year now, and they were utterly, completely, hopelessly in love. Until death do them part, and then beyond.

**Another Note to Self: yeah. No matter how much I think the tow are in love, it's just not real unless they actually see you developing the relationship, not just telling them about it!**

Destiny was absolutely brilliant. She got O's on every test, exam, essay, and piece of homework without even trying.

**Listen: NO. OC. SHOULD. EVER. BE. SMARTER. THAN. LILY. **

**Capiche?**

She was probably smarter than all of the rest of the school combined. In fact, she was studying up on her Animagus transformations so that she too could help out "her Remmie" during the full moon.

**There's a fucking reason there's only four Marauders! Please do everyone a favor and throw your laptop out the window. NOW.**

"Ready for out date, Dessy?" he asked her. **(Dessy? As if "destiny" wasn't stupid enough…)**

**Here's a crazy idea…how about a normal name? Like Alison? Or Jenna? But NO, we like using colors and nouns.**

"Just let me go and get ready…I'm still in my uniform!" she said with a giggle, and then she ran up the stairs to the girls' dorms.

Sirius was still staring at Aquamaríne. She was smiling back at him thinking maybe, just maybe, he was that one special guy who would mean more to her than all the rest.

**headdesk nope, not hard enough, I'm still literate. **

Destiny and Remus walked through the snowy village of Hogsmeade together; Destiny had been hanging onto his arm ever since they walked past the Shrieking Shack.

**So Remus is afraid of buildings, now? Scary, inanimate objects?**

They noticed a little shop at the end of the street that neither of them had seen before. **(How convenient…not.)**Their curiosity got the best of them and they stepped inside.

It was a jewelry shop…magical necklaces hung from every wall, rings and bangles crowded all the display cases.

Destiny looked around in wonder; she'd always been one who loved jewelry. She glared at all the silver necklaces up on the walls, as if trying to melt them with her eyes.

**Please stop writing…**

Then, her eyes fell on a necklace that was absolutely beautiful. It had a thin pink satin collar and a tiny gold heart hanging from it.

**Okay, read this SLOWLY: Remus is poor. Remus cannot buy a gold necklace. End of story.**

"Dessy? Do you want that?" Remus asked her.

**Fine, don't take my advice…**

"What? Oh, no, Remmie, I could never ask you for that,"

"Well, I'll get it for you anyway, because I love you so much."

"Aww…Remmie, I love you, too!"

**I can't take much more of this…**

And the two of them started snogging in the middle of the shop, which was thankfully empty.

**What a thrilling and climactic scene…not. **

Aquamaríne shut the door to the dormitory behind her, casting a quick locking spell on the knob.

**And what if one of the other girls needs to come in?**

One look in Sirius' eyes, and she knew there was something there. Something she'd never had before with any of her flings.

**Let's all just prepare ourselves for it…**

Was it chemistry…or love?

**I think I made my brain explode from crap overload. **

There was one thing about her, however, that Sirius didn't know…in fact, nobody knew.

**STOP NOW! TURN. AWAY. FROM. THE LAPTOP.**

You see, Aquamaríne Henley had a deep, dark, scary secret. If you thought she had a perfect life, you'd be wrong.

**Trying to redeem myself, am I? too late. The shit hit the fan when I accented the I in her name. **

But she still thought she might love Sirius.

**Wow…how romantic…yes, I'm lying. **

Aquamaríne sat down on her bed to think about it, and you could tell that she was serious about this because she rarely ever thought things through.

Suddenly, in one of Destiny's characteristic fits of brilliance **(oh, joy. I thought I wouldn't get any more of her…)**, she knew what to do.

**I'm glad to hear it…so, is it over yet?**

**Joy, there's more.**

Sirius was sitting in the common room alone that night, because Remus and James were out with their girlfriends.

**Did you even sat that James and Lily were together? They're the one's people actually care about, dingus! **

He was sitting there, thinking about Aquamaríne. He needed someone like her in his life. She was probably the perfect girl for him; for anyone, really.

**Yes, I get it. She's perfect. Would you PLEASE stop saying it now?**

As if he had conjured her up, he heard someone come down the stairs, one whiff of the flowery perfume that hung in the air and he knew it was her.

**Yes…all guys are experts on perfume. **

He spun around to look at her, and when he did so, he saw that her face was only inches from his.

And then she kissed him. It was the most sensational kiss that Sirius had ever had. He knew right away what Remus and James were talking about when they talked about chemistry.

**FINGERS, WHY HAVE YOU BETRAYED ME?**

They were kissing for what felt like an eternity. Then Aquamaríne pulled away from him.

"Aquamaríne, what is it?"

**I need a paper bag to stick over my head now…and I'll go continue life as a gopher, living in a hole. **

"Sirius, I…have something to tell you…"

**It's over? Thank you, God!**

A/N- Wow…you really stayed with me there? Props to you… The actual fic is just something I threw together randomly, it took me about five minutes (it's purposely crap, in case you didn't get that). But I really had fun with the bold comments.

Review and tell me what you think!


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